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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885051">Markings of an Inmate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moibeal/pseuds/Moibeal'>Moibeal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Romance, Azkaban, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Head Boy Draco Malfoy, Head Girl Hermione Granger, Implied/Referenced Cheating</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:21:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moibeal/pseuds/Moibeal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I was never horrified by my body until I returned from Azkaban.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daphne Greengrass/Blaise Zabini, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Lavender Brown/Ron Weasley, Theodore Nott/Pansy Parkinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Scars from my Past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Once upon a time I was very young and naive. I wrote this story under the name Ayden on Adult Fanfiction. I lost the hard drive where I had my original saved ten years ago. I had lost interest writing the story. My old AFF account locked and inactive I abandoned it. In a moment of nostalgia I went searching for this story last week - OMG I couldn't believe how horribly naive and young I was when I wrote it. The original storyline warped and rushed, no character development. Needless to say I was that weak girl I was portraying Hermione to be. </p>
<p>Long story short - twelve years has passed since I first started this story. This was my first attempt at writing and the story line was something very dear to me. </p>
<p>If anyone is interest in the original story line: http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600021766</p>
<p>You have been warned it is very immature and atrocious. I have a goal to crank out a chapter every 1-2 weeks. I work in an ICU as a registered nurse and I have a two year old. 0 </p>
<p>Disclaimer: I do this for fun. I do not make money from this. I hope you all enjoy and will give this story a chance.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dejectedly staring into the mirror, I scanned over the changes that occurred over the summer. I didn't recognize the person staring back at me. Dishevelment was the perfect description for the person I saw. There were permanent shadows under my eyes from the sleepless nights, despite the numerous glamour charms. My angular features were more pronounced. Once perfectly tailored clothes hung loosely on my shrunken frame. My skin was a sickly pallor, and my hair dull and limp from the lack of nutritious food over the last few months. I looked like a shell of myself, broken and weak. </p><p>Where was the Draco Malfoy of years past? Where was the power and prestige of the person I am now? What occurred over this last summer would have changed anyone. I know it changed me in every aspect of my life. What I don't know is if it was for better or worse. I found myself terrified of what that meant for me. </p><p>When I looked at my reflection, I was disgusted, examining the intricate metallic blue markings that trace my chest and down my arms and the ruin number across my left pectoral. I sneered as I followed one of the charmed runes with my index finger. </p><p>The markings were meant to remind me why I was placed in that hell in the first place. It was a punishment and a reminder for a fabricated crime I supposedly committed. The evil that my father committed. The crime I would have incurred. The Azkaban guards had laced a probation curse to keep me in line. </p><p>I was "saved" - saved by the devil's advocate. </p><p>The magic in the tattoos glinted in the soft light from the windows. I watched as the curse pulsed once more within the dark blue, torturing my mind with memories. The memories of Azkaban were fresh in my mind. The screams and cries of the inmates stung my ears as if I slept beside them still. The smell of dying, rotting bodies burned intensely in my nose, and the thought of the cold, damp floor of my cell sent chills down my spine. </p><p>How can one forget something like that? </p><p>With a scoff, I pulled a black button-down over my shoulders and methodically did the buttons, before tucking the tails of my shirt into my black slacks. I smoothed out the wrinkles with a charm, before latching my belt buckle. With a wave of my wand, the clothes shrunk to fit my smaller frame. </p><p>I wasn't the mirror image of my father anymore. My hair was cropped close to the top of my head, thankfully grown out from the shaved haircut I suffered in June. My eyes were steel gray, that was contributed to my Black heritage. </p><p>I was no longer his perfect son. </p><p>Turning on my heel, I apparated to a bathroom at Kings Cross. I leaned against one of the stalls and sighed deeply. "You can do this," I muttered quietly to myself. </p><p>Straightening my shoulders, I moved out of the stall and out of the out-of-order loo. Walking through the hordes of muggles, witches, and wizards to Platform 9 3/4, I could feel the magical energy in the otherwise muggle place. I felt the familiar pull as I stepped through the barrier. </p><p>With one quick look over the crowd, I spotted my best mate leaning casually against one fo the brick pillars. I made my way through the throng of people, I nodded my greeting. A roll of his golden hazel eyes and he had me in a tight but manly embrace. I found a sense of strength as I quickly returned the rough hug. Blaise Zabini was the one person I knew I could always count on being there for me. He knew exactly what I had been through this summer, only because he was in the same detention program I had been. He was subjected to the same torment over the last few months as I. </p><p>Our probation was simple enough. We were not allowed to be associated with Death Eaters, but where Blaise was forbidden in using Dark magic, I was forbidden to have any sexual encounters with a female. </p><p>Walking past the compartments and through the train cars, we searched for the rest of our group: Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, and Theodore Nott. We finally found the compartment that we usually occupied on the previous train rides. Inside, we found the rest of our friends lounging comfortably. </p><p>"Blaise! Draco!" I heard Pansy and Daphne exclaim. </p><p>I controlled the urge to recoil from them as Daphne jumped up and crossed the short distance between Blaise and her in a quick run. She threw open the door before wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. I watched as Blaise melted against her, tucking his face against hers and whispering Italian in her ear. I watched warily as Pansy, and Theo stood from their seats and walked towards us. </p><p>Daphne moved out of the way so Pansy could embrace Blaise and then turned to me. She was a small thing, Pansy. The girl could easily be tucked under my chin. Her dark hair had grown out over the summer, the layers she had cut into her hair made her features softer. Her ocean-blue eyes were still as gorgeous and piercing as ever. </p><p>When she wrapped her arms around my waist, I couldn't help but flinch. The movement made her hug me tighter, and I let out a small chuckle as I forced myself to relax. I placed my chin on the top of her head with ease. Kissing the top of her head softly, I let her go. Theo watched the interaction with ease. When Pans backed away, he wrapped a thickly muscled arm around my should in a brief hug before wrapping them around his petite girlfriend. They were an odd couple, his brawn against her tiny figure. </p><p>She placed a hand on my chest lightly before looking up with a small watery smile. I shook my head to reassure her. They all knew about the summer. Pansy, Daphne, and Theo had been waiting at the Manor when Blaise and I had been released. </p><p>I pulled a silver badge out of my pocket and threw it at Theo, who caught it quickly and easily. 'Good,' I thought. 'Summer hadn't completely killed his skills.'</p><p>"Head boy," he asked in disbelief as the girls congratulated me. "How did Snape pull that?" </p><p>"I am actually a good student, you know," I drawled arrogantly. </p><p>"Yeah, but...Well, I am just surprised -  with everything that has happened." Theo tried to explain. </p><p>"I was just as shocked as you were," I admitted. "But, I am second in the class, only behind Granger." </p><p>"Speaking about Granger, you know who the Head Girl is, right?" I nodded my head as he threw the badge back. </p><p>"Well, go on then," Blaise said as the train took off with a lurch. "You have to be in the Head's compartment soon." I nodded, said my goodbyes, and started making my way to the Head's compartment alone. </p><p>Many didn't know this, but Blaise was the only reason that I was on time for anything. I was a train car away from the Head's compartment when I heard two arguing voices. </p><p>"Ronald, I can't believe you!" Hermione Granger's voice said in a hushed angry tone. </p><p>"You're overreacting," Ronald Weasley countered. </p><p>"Overreacting?!" Her voice raised an octave, and I could feel my eyebrows rise to my hairline. I have been on the receiving end of that tone and that decimal of volume from her, and it was never pretty. </p><p>"Hush," He pleaded with her.</p><p>"No, Ronald, we are done! Let go of me! I said, let go!" I could hear them scuffling in the closed compartment, and I felt my stomach drop. Trying to overthink my actions, I quickly wrapped my knuckles against the darkened window, obviously charmed for privacy. </p><p>A moment later, Weasley roughly pulled open the compartment door and looked at me with a sneer, "What do you want?!" I could see Granger cradling her wrist in her hand behind him. </p><p>"Granger, we are going to be late," I said, ignoring Weasley pointedly. I could see relief come over her features, and the feeling of uncertainty I had been feeling since knocking disappeared. </p><p>"Thank you, Malfoy," She said as she stepped around Weasley. </p><p>"We aren't finished," the weasel all but growled at her, reaching out to grab her. </p><p>"I really think you are," I angled my body, so I was between the two of them. </p><p>"What do you think you are going to do Malfoy," Weasel-bee looked me up and down, taking in my thinner frame. </p><p>"Me? Nothing, but we both know what it's like to be on her bad side. Considering, I have to live with her this year. I plan on staying off of it and letting her fight her own battles. So, keep on running your mouth if you want to be on the wrong side of one of her hexes." I said as casually as possible, watching the array of emotions wash over his face when he realized I was Head Boy, but thankfully didn't say anything or push the issue with Granger. </p><p>"Her bag," I nodded my head to the satchel on the seat to his left. He grabbed the satchel's strap and slung it at me before slamming his shoulder into mine as he stormed away. The satchel's contents spilled onto the floor. Ink bottles, parchment, muggle pens, and books spilled onto the hallway's floor. </p><p>Both Granger and I bent down to pick up the contents together silently. When the last ink bottle was picked up, she finally spoke. </p><p>"Thank you for stopping." She obviously had acknowledged the fact that I could have just walked past when I heard the argument. </p><p>"Well, I figured if you had dropped the silencing spell on the compartment, but not the privacy charm, you were looking for help." She looked up at me through her lashes. </p><p>"I can do that one wordlessly. He has been a bit intense lately." She said quietly. </p><p>"You mean since you broke up with him?" </p><p>"You could say that." She said cryptically. "Come on, we need to get there before everyone else." </p><p>In the compartment, I dropped to the bench seat and pulled out a book.  Granger set her stuff gingerly down beside me, glancing at me every once in a while. </p><p>"Did you mean what you said back there?" She finally asked hesitantly after ten minutes of blessed silence. I looked up over the top margin of my book at her with a raised eyebrow. "About staying on my good side." </p><p>"Yes," There was something in her tone of voice, a hopeful uncertainty that stopped any snark or sarcasm. "It has been a long summer, I would rather this year go as smoothly as possible." </p><p>"I'm sorry about your parents." She said softly. </p><p>The downfall of my father and mother were highly publicize while I was in Azkaban. Father's trials had come to a conclusion, and his sentence carried out. He was kissed in July. Mother had been admitted into the Jans Thickey Ward, her fragile psyche was destroyed after both father and I were locked in Azkaban.</p><p>She continued to try and make conversation, having been accustomed to the constant chatter of Potter and Weasley. Silence must have been some sort of new atmosphere. We spoke of trivial things. I learned that she had family in France, a giant monster of a cat, and she twisted the hem of her shirt when she was uncomfortable. </p><p>When Professor Snape appareled into the compartment, Granger let out a small squeak of surprise. I raised my eyebrows and let out a short laugh in amusement. She turned to glare at me, blushing prettily, before giving her attention to Severus. </p><p>"Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, as you know, you are the Head students for this year." Severus drawled slowly. He paused for a moment and looked toward me, only to find my face completely unreadable. I could feel him probe at my mind and swiftly erected my Occulmency walls.</p><p>"As you both know, you will have your own set of rules and regulations to follow. You two must set an example for the younger students, and the rest of the school." I diverted my attention to my counterpart and noticed she was watching Severus and my interaction discretely. </p><p>"I hope the two of you will set aside your past animosity and work together as a team. I will say this once and only once. You two are the brightest that Hogwarts has seen in many years, but you both have your downfalls. You were paired together because the faculty believe that your individual strengths will complement your weakness. That is if you two could work together." Granger and I nodded solemnly. </p><p>"Now, Miss Granger, will you please round up the prefects for the meeting? I must speak to Mr. Malfoy alone." I watch as Granger smiled at Severus, running high on the little praise she had been given, before disappearing out of the compartment. </p><p>"Draco, how are you?" He sat down beside me and went to place a hand on my shoulder. I flinched violently away from him. </p><p>"Don't," I hissed through clenched teeth. </p><p>"Are you taking the calming potions?" He asked, concerned. </p><p>"No, I can't think straight with them." He said nothing, but pulled a vial from a fold in his robes, the milky potion swirled. </p><p>"Take it. I'll work on the formula for something with fewer side effects." I stared at the offering but didn't move to take it. "If you are planning on fooling everyone, you are going to need it, Draco." </p><p>I snatched the vial and swallowed the potion quickly. The taste of lavender and lemon burst over my tongue. Within minutes my limbs feel heavy and relaxed. The constant whirl of anxiety in the back of my mind slows to a dull hum. </p><p>"Try and sleep after the meeting," Snape suggested as he stood. "And Draco," he paused, and I hummed my reply. "They would be proud of you." With a crack, Snape disapparated out of the compartment. </p><p>I allowed myself to drift in and out of the initial potion induced haze while waiting for Granger. She returned about thirty minutes later. Thomas McNair walked in with Daphne and her sister at his side, and pain seared through my entire being. The longer he stood there, the more pain coursed through the ruins on my body. Granger looked at me with confusion when I gasped at the initial onset. I shook my head and indicated for everyone to sit down. </p><p>The waves ripple through the tattoos caused my attention to be cast elsewhere. Granger kept throwing me half concerned, half annoyed looks, but I only shook my head in response. The meeting lasted about an hour, during which I learned the longer I was in McNair's presence, the more intense the pain became. I could only assume that he had taken the mark sometime over the summer. I let out a sigh of relief when the meeting ended, and all, but the Gryffindor know-it-all, left. </p><p>I allowed myself to fully relax into the seat, my head dropping to the cushion. Gritting my teeth, with each throbbing pulse as the pain eases away. Without the pain or the calming potion's initial haze, I could feel my anxiety creep back into my consciousness with full force.</p><p>I turned my head and saw Granger staring at me, deeply confused. Her mouth opened as if she was about to speak, but she quickly closed it. I let my eyes fall shut, hoping she would make what just occurred pass without explanation. </p><p>"What's just happened?" Obviously, I wasn't that lucky.</p><p>"I'm fine," my voice was soft and ragged. </p><p>"That is not what I asked, Malfoy!" I could hear her impatience and irritation. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and looked at her. </p><p>"Okay then, nothing is going on," she rolled her eyes and sighed before she walked over to me. She sat down beside me, and I looked at her incredulously. </p><p>"Something is up," her eye soften, and I knew she was genuinely concerned. </p><p>"Don't worry about it," small smile appeared on my face, trying to reassure her, and at that moment, Blaise walked in with the same expression of pain as I had moments ago. </p><p>"Mate?" As I stood up and crossed the compartment, he fell into my arms. </p><p>His body was limp, his eyes were closed, and he was barely breathing. I dragged him to the bench seat and placed his body on the soft cushion. His wavy black hear fell, lightly framing his face. I figured he had passed out from the pain. </p><p>"His vitals are sky-high," she said, panicked. I turned to see the diagnostic charm she cast to see both his blood pressure and heart rate were extremely elevated, but we're slowly coming down due to the fact he was unconscious. </p><p>Granger incoherent babbling was getting on my nerves, so I turned to her and pressed a rough hand against her lips to silence her. She fell quite quickly but danced anxiously on the balls of her feet. I looked at her, annoyed. She stood still for a moment, then her hand began to shake, and tears sprouted to her eyes. </p><p>"Aren't you supposed to be cool and collected when these things happen? Just a quick spell, and all is fixed." I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Blaise. </p><p>"Not when I don't know what's wrong with him, Malfoy!" Her voice held her panic. I inhaled deeply and looked at her once more. This time my gaze was softer than before. </p><p>"He will be okay. He was most likely horsing around with Nott and McNair and got hit with a bad hex," I quickly lied. </p><p>"We should call a professor," she argued. I shook my head and reached for her bouncing knee. I couldn't pinpoint when she had sat down beside me. </p><p>"I promise you, he will be fine," I reassured her in my most convincing voice that I could muster.</p><p>In all actuality, I was afraid for Blaise. I had never seen this happen. We had only been out of Azkaban for a week. We had no time to experience being around people, much less, Death Eaters. I did not understand why he had passed out from the pain. Yes, being around McNair was painful, but it wasn't unbearable. </p><p>Granger and I sat in silence for a good thirty minutes, both watching his unconscious form. I was looking down at my hands when I heard her inhale sharply. When I looked up, her eyes were fixed on Blaise. He was hyperventilating, eyes tightly shut. I sat him up quickly and got behind him, holding him tightly to my chest as I often had in the last few months. Panic attacks were a bitch. </p><p>"Breath with me, Blaise," I whispered in his ear as I exhaled. He scrambled against me, finally latching onto my wrist and gripping them tightly.</p><p>"Just breathe," I inhaled deeply, but his breathing was too quick and too shallow. </p><p>"Calm down, mate, relax. You're safe. You're here with me. We are on the way to Hogwarts." I tried to ground him the best I could.</p><p>"You have to calm down! In through your nose and out through your mouth. It will pass. Just breathe," I inhaled deeply again and slowly exhaled. </p><p>"It's okay. Just relax, please." It took him a while until he began to mimic my actions. I knew he was afraid. After a few long moments, his breathing returned to normal, and his eyes opened. He pushed away from me gently, looked at me with wet eyes, and shook his head. </p><p>His head fell against my chest as he wept. I pulled him tight to me, and his tears became quite sobs. I knew he was frightened. It was the first day, and we were already falling apart. How in the hell were we going to make through this year? </p><p>His face was buried against my chest when I looked up to see Granger staring at us in shock. Her eyes moved to mine, she sighed heavily, before leaving the room so we could have some privacy. </p><p>I knew she wasn't going to let this go without a fight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Tempers and Trains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just some notes. It took some time for me to decide if I was going to keep the original story line about the war. I decided I have enough going on in my life, and trying to incorporate the war would be too complicated at this time. The next chapter will definitely closer to two weeks. I have picked up extra in ICU, and it has been Covid Hell the last few shifts. I have also recently been accepted into a Master's program. So wish me luck with that! </p><p>Thank you everyone who read and came back for more. </p><p>Disclaimer: I do this for fun and stress relief. I do not make any money off of this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cold floor stung as my bare skin touched the wet stone. My shaved head dropped with a sharp crack. I could feel the blood pool beneath me as the energy left me. Ice filled my veins, and my father's screams filled my ears as one of those creatures passed my cell. I closed my eyes, in vain hope, to block the dementor's thrall. </p><p>The metal bars grinder against the damp stone as the cell door was torn open by one of the burly guards, the shimmering white light of a Patronus warming the area somewhat. I heard his steel-toe, dragon-hide boots echo off the walls the closer he came. I felt his large calloused hands grip the front of my scraggy shift before yanking me into a standing position. </p><p>My sore muscled screamed in protest as he dragged me down the hall to the interrogation room. The chains around my ankles scraped against the flood as I half-limped, half walked behind him. He opened the large security door and pushed me into a small, darkened room. </p><p>Immediately, my muscles began to relax due to the warming charms placed on the room. I shakily stood and made my way to sit down in the room's single high-backed metallic chair, and waited for one of the Aurors to arrive. Strangely enough, he never came. Instead, there was a sift feminine voice that tickled my ears. Clean lavender and sweet star jasmine filled the air. I inhaled deeply, trying to memorize that scent in this hell. I wanted to wrap myself in the comfort and softness.</p><p>"Malfoy…Malfoy… Merlin's balls, Malfoy, wake up!"</p><p>It was Granger. </p><p>She was annoyed by the tone of her voice. I slowly opened one eye then the other to look at her. Large chocolate-colored eyes stared back at me impassively. Wait. Were those little golden flecks a selection of the light? </p><p>"We have an hour, and you are still not in your robes. Hurry up!" I huffed in annoyance at her bossy attitude, taking note she had changed into her uniform and robes. Her Head's badge pinned perfectly on her robes, over the Gryffindor crest over her left breast. </p><p>I stood from the seat and reached into my satchel for my Hogwarts uniform and robes. Granger remained in the same spot studying me carefully. </p><p>"Planning on getting a free show?" I drawled. I watched with satisfaction as her cheeks colored brightly, and she bit her lip in embarrassment. I laughed as she huffed and flounced out of the room, her hair bouncing dramatically. When the door slammed closed, I waved my wand to cast a privacy charm.</p><p>I unbuttoned my short carefully, minding the inflamed tattoos. The skin around them blistered and raw. I dug into my bag for some healing salve and slathered it across my torso and arms. My back would have to wait. Pulling on a white undershirt first, I hoped to conceal the deep blue markings further. With a wince, I pulled on the Slytherin created button-down, and tied my green and silver tie in a classic Windsor knot. </p><p>Finished and sure all the markings were covered, I dropped the privacy charm and unlocked the compartment door. Granger entered immediately, obviously waiting. Inwardly, I groaned, already prepared for the onslaught of questions she had for me. </p><p>"I'm waiting," she said impatiently. <br/>"And you will continue to wait," I sighed heavily, sitting down and looking out the window at the darkened passing scenery.</p><p>"You owe me an expl-" she was startled silent as I pinned her with a hard glare. </p><p>"I don't owe you, or anyone a fucking explanation. What happened is between Blaise and me. Not you, not Potter. You will do well enough to learn some manners and mind your own business, you swot!" Venom and malice dripped off every word, and I could see how taken back she was at my sudden anger. </p><p>"That's not fair. How can I help if I don't know what is happening?" She argued passionately.</p><p>"You want to talk about fair?" I let out a bitter laugh. "Not everything is your problem to fix Granger." </p><p>"I thought you said we would work together!" She exclaimed indignantly. "You heard Professor Snape! We are supposed to be a team!"</p><p>"Yes, when it comes to Head's responsibilities! Not my personal life, Granger. We are not suddenly friends. Is that what you thought? That suddenly we would become best friends? That I would come running to you like those dunderheads, Potter and Weasley do? Are you delusional or just that pathetic?" I knew I was lashing out, purposely trying to hurt her to put distance. Everyone knew Granger was a bleeding heart. She had taken my lack of animosity as an olive branch of peace and run with it.</p><p>"Oh, that's right, Malfoys don't sully themselves with mudbloods. Sorry, I thought you had grown up and realized your family's ideology was pure shite when your father was thrown in Azkaban!" </p><p>I stared at her in shock. I had never heard her refer to herself as a mudblood. The word sounded horrid and foreign coming from her lips. "Don't place words in my mouth Granger. You don't know me." </p><p>I stood and advanced on her. If there was someone who could always rile me up to fight, it was her. As I moved forward, she backpedaled into the compartment wall. I caged her in by placing both of my hands on either side of her head. She placed a hand on my abdomen, right above my waistline. I didn't know if it was the heat of the moment or just her, but her touch didn't make me flinch.  I wanted to press myself into her. I hoped to overwhelm her like she was doing to me. </p><p>"You don't want to be involved with the things that Blaise and I are facing. If you see something like you did today again, turn your cheek and forget it ever happened. It will be the easiest thing for all of us." The star-jasmine and lavender musk drifted into my nostrils. My eyes drop close, and my breath shudders. I can feel her trembling against me, both of us forgetting our wands, too caught up in the energy between us. "Now don't worry your pretty little head about me, love. I'm a big boy, and I can take care of myself. So can Blaise." </p><p>Anger rushed to her face, and I could feel the heat radiate from her. I was mesmerized in her sweet scent, fury, curls, and golden-brown eyes. </p><p>"I know about Azkaban," her breath shudders as she speaks. I close my eyes tightly in shame. I can feel it run through my body hotly. Rage bubbling up and out as I slammed my hand against the wall in my anger. </p><p>"How?" I growled out, as I pushed away from the wall and started to pace.</p><p>"It was disclosed when I accepted the position as Head Girl. Some of the professors were concerned you wouldn't have enough time to adjust, and wanted me to help when necessary." She said cautiously. I rolled my eyes heavenwards. Bloody, fucking Gryffindors! </p><p>"Doesn't change anything," I bit out roughly. "Just leave off," I huff as I storm out of the compartment and slam the door shut. I could hear her call my name faintly, but ignored it. </p><p>In the storm of emotions, I passed the compartment where Blaise, Pansy, Theo, and Daphne were residing. As I hurried past, Theo and Blaise came out calling after me. I felt someone reach out to my robe's sleeve, but I jerked my arm away violently. </p><p>"Leave him be," I heard Pansy murmur. I storm past a multitude of students. Older students quickly moved out of my way, while fumbling first years trembled as I passed. I knew the negative energy was hanging over me like a black cloud. I could hear my magic hissing and crackle in my ears. </p><p>"So much for staying on her good side, then," I heard Weasley snark as I passed his compartment he shared with Lavender Brown, Harry Potter, and Ginny Weasley.</p><p>I stopped. If Weasley wanted a fight, I was in the mood to give him one. </p><p>"What are you going on about?" Weaslette bit out in an angry huff. </p><p>"Heard him give Hermione this lecture about how they had to live together now, and they should make nice. I knew it wasn't going to last. Good on you for trying though, she's been impossible lately." Weasley laughed bitterly. </p><p>"Wait, when did you see Hermione?" Potter questioned. </p><p>"Nice one Weasley," I drawled, smirking, "Why don't you tell them how you were shoving her in a warded compartment?"</p><p>"What?!" Weaslette shouted, glaring at her brother. </p><p>"You're lying through your teeth," Brown snapped. Her tongue was turning blue from the Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.  A sneer of disgust came on my face as I looked at her. </p><p>'Interesting,' I thought. Most of the time, the Weasley pack were quick to defend one another. It looks like Ronald had done something terrible enough for Ginny, or Red as I liked to call her, to believe me without question. </p><p>"You know she told me that you had it warded for privacy and silenced. How do you think I knew she was in the compartment, Weasley? Sheer dumb luck? No, she dropped the silencing charm so that someone would hear the two of you. Said that she would have dropped both, but the silencing spell was the only one should do wordlessly. Afraid of riling you up even more." I smirked as I advanced into the compartment. By this time, both Weasley and Potter had jumped to their feet. Potter was standing between the two of us. Weasley's face was turning a pleasing shade of puce. "What does it say about you that she would rather be in my company than yours? She hates me. Tell me, Weasley, what have you done?" </p><p>I saw the jet of red light before I heard the curse he spewed. I had always been faster with wandwork than him. Potter even faster. A shield charm was cast quickly, and the curse rebounded on Weasley. His face quickly became covered in splotchy boils. </p><p>Red stood up without a look to her brother and came close to me, grabbing my tie before pulling me out into the corridor.</p><p>"Let me go," I said as I yanked my abused tie away from the crazed chit. Potter followed us quickly out into the corridor, before closing the door and placing a silencing charm around us. </p><p>"That's enough from you," Red chastised me sternly. Her tone reminded me of Pansy and my mother's when they were annoyed with my antics. "Not that he didn't deserve it." </p><p>"Look, he started it," I defended myself. "I wasn't even-"</p><p>"I don't care who started it. I'm finishing it!" Red snapped, interrupting me.</p><p>"What happened to Hermione?" Potter asked quickly.</p><p>"Why don't you ask her?" I spit out at him, and Potter flared at my hostility</p><p>"She'll downplay it to keep the peace," Red explained, placing a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder to calm him. </p><p>"She doesn't want to put us in the middle," Potter looks ashamed as he said this. Potter has been notorious for taking Weasley's side over every argument Granger, and he had whole at Hogwarts. It was a rarity to see Weasley and Potter at odds. Over the past seven years, there had been numerous occasions I had seen Granger eat with Ravenclaws or by herself. </p><p>"Then maybe you should respect her wishes," I tried to push past them and away from the conversation. </p><p>"Maybe, but she's our friend. We are worried." There was something in her tone that made me stop. </p><p>"She's not mine. I don't know how she is doing! She seems like the same annoying swot, just with less patience for Weasel's stupidity."</p><p>"Malfoy," Potter almost pleaded.</p><p>"What's in it for me, Potter? One of two things is going to happen here. One: You offer me something of value for the information. Because the way I see it if I tell you, and Granger gets wind, it was from me. I'll be on the same shit list as Weaselbee. Or Two: I walk away now, and you go ask Granger."</p><p>"Or you could be a decent human being and help someone who needs it with no personal gain of your own." I stared blankly at Red, reminded of Granger pleading with me to let her help me. I feel my stomach sink. Of course, I knew Granger wasn't a manipulative person. You have to realize the world I was raised in, and her world are two completely separate dimensions. In my world, kindness isn't free. I know only two people in my entire life that would be kind to me for just my sake, Blaise and Pansy. </p><p>"She's fine. She was a little shaken up when I got to her. Weasley must have grabbed her or something. She was telling him to let her go. I got to them at the tail end of the conversation, so I didn't hear anything." I told them what she had said about canceling the charms and how she had said he had been intense lately. In the end, Red was even more pIssed, and Potter was gritting his teeth. </p><p>I tell myself that I was giving them the information freely because Granger needed to see what happened when you were a nosy busy body. She didn't want Potter or Red involved with the discord between Weasley and her. </p><p>"Why can't he just leave it all well and alone?" Potter complained pitifully. </p><p>"Thanks, Malfoy," Red said. "Listen, I think you know us well enough to know; if you hurt her, then we'll hurt you," Red stated coolly. </p><p>"Only your brother is excused from that threat, hmmm?" I tighten my girl on my wand, and with a slash through the air, I cast a shield charm, just in time for Red to cast her famous Bat-Boogey hex. Slime coated the walls of the hallway as Potter tried to wrangle in his temperamental girlfriend. </p><p>"You're asking for it, Malfoy," Potter said through gritted teeth. "Probably best you get out of here." </p><p>"Head Boy or not, I will stomp your arse Malfoy," Red ranted. I smirked and nodded to Potter before turning on my heel and heading back the way I came. The entire situation was too surreal. The war may have been over, but that didn't mean I was bosom buddies with Potter or Red. </p><p>The war concluded while I rotted in Azkaban. With my father's arrest at the end of my fifth year, Snape and Dumbledore saw the opportunity to get my mother and me away from the Dark Lord and Death Eaters. Bellatrix tried to influence my mother to come back into the fold throughout my sixth year but was unsuccessful. With my mother's lack of control over me and Bellatrix's massive influence, Snape had thought a preview of Azkaban would scare me straight. </p><p>Potter and Dumbledore hunted for Horcruxes throughout the summer, destroying them one after another. Without Horcruxes and the wealth of the Malfoy family, the Dark Lord's downfall was rather quick and anticlimactic. </p><p>"I ran into your mates," I said as I walked into the compartment. Granger immediately looked wary at my introduction. "Weasley drew me into a fight, about you of all people." I laughed bitterly.</p><p>"What happened?" She asked timidly. </p><p>"Nothing really, he threw a curse which rebounded off of my shield charm. Red pulled me into the hall for an interrogation. I told what I overhead when you two were fighting. They seemed...." I paused, searching for the right word. "Concerned about you."</p><p>"Why did you tell them?" I looked up to see Granger's eyes closed tightly, her cheeks a rosy color. When she opened her eyes, they were wet. Shame, the same shame I felt earlier. </p><p>"Because I don't think I'm the only one who needs help, Granger." Her face screwed up as if she tasted something sour, and a lone tear slid down her cheek. </p><p>"Aren't we a pair then, Malfoy," I breathed out a laugh at her comment a shrugged my shoulders. She gave me a shy smile. </p><p>"I think your issues are a little less concerning than mine," I watched as her face paled, and I couldn't help but wonder what happened between the two of them. </p><p>I wanted to say something, but the train came to a halt with a screech of the brakes. Hogsmede station muted in the darkness could be seen outside the windows. The orange lighting from the touches illuminated the platform. </p><p>We began walking down the train corridors, stopping at every closed door. We would knock once, wait, and then try the door. If it were locked, which many were, then Granger would do an unlocking charm. Depending on the occupants' age and state of dress, I would dole out punishment. I shocked her when I took points from my fellow Slytherins. </p><p>We made short work of our duties, as not many had dared to remain on the train. We walked in silence to our awaiting carriage, where a thestral pawed at the ground. I just stopped and stared knowingly at the creature. Hermione turned to face me when she noticed that I was not following her anymore. </p><p>"Can you see it?" </p><p>I nodded, though the atrocious beauty of the creature still entranced my attention. The skin was a midnight color. It hung loosely in places, exposing bone and tight in others. Its eyes were a clouded glassy color, which stared blankly into the night. The wings hung torn and ragged at the cartilage. They were a morbid sight, yet had a weird grace and beauty to them. </p><p>It must be a sin to see death. </p><p>The creatures represented every meaning of death. Their appearance was one of decay. The gruesome sight of the exposed flesh made my body cringe. It was odd that the cold night air didn't affect their hot breath, and that's when I noticed. The animals did not breathe. </p><p>"Malfoy . . . Draco, come on," I looked to her to see her staring fearfully at the creature also. I nodded and climbed into the warm coach gracefully after Granger. The ride was diminutive and hushed. When we arrived, I heard the hat shout out "Hufflepuff" to one of the new students. </p><p>I stopped at the Great Hall doors and reached out to Granger. With a touch to her shoulder, she turned to me. She looked at me, cautiously. I bit at my bottom lip, not knowing what to say. </p><p>"I'm sorry." My tone was somber. </p><p>I didn't elaborate. She didn't expect me too. I believe she understood that I was apologizing for my behavior on the train, the years past, for what my family and acquaintances had done to her and muggle-borns like her. She smiled softly, leaned up, and kissed my cheek. </p><p>Eyes wide, cheeks redden, I turned quickly on my heel and scrambled into the Great Hall with the sound of her laugh licking at my ears.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Boundaries and New Territory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry this chapter is late. When I initially wrote the story, I skipped over the awkward part about them finding a friendship, before a relationship. I didn't want to do that this time. So I had to create chapter completely from scratch, on top of working over time, and my toddler's terrible two tantrums. Our little area has had a influx in Covid cases which makes work hell. Most nights when I got home, I took a shower and went straight to bed. I have a plan and a decent outline for this story, just not a chapter bank that I can pull from all the time. I do hope you enjoy this chapter.  Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and given kudos!! The support fuels the drive to put out more for you guys!</p><p>Disclaimer: I do not write this for any profit. This world completely resides with JKR.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week of the school year had been trying and exhausting. Dodging McNair and Granger seemed impossible most days. Ten feet was the key to not activating the curse. I had gotten odd looks when I had intermingled with the other houses during classes to avoid sitting near him, but no one had said anything. Granger's issues with Weasley had her mingling with other houses. I had overheard younger students saying that the teachers were forcing us to promote unity between the houses. </p><p>Having to dodge both McNair and Granger, assisting underclassmen, Quidditch practice, my own classes, and my new sleeping habits, I was exhausted. Deciding to skip dinner and get some extra sleep, I found myself in front of the Heads common room. </p><p>"Unity," I snapped before the group of Victorian ladies could start a conversation. They huffed in annoyance as I pushed around the portrait, into the common room, slamming into a small body almost instantly. </p><p>"I'm sorry!" Granger said in a panic as her books clattered around us. I had grabbed onto her upper arms to steady us. </p><p>"It's fine," my words tight as I let go of her. She bent down and collected her books. </p><p>"I've meant to talk you," I was making my way around her chaos when she spoke. </p><p>"Can it wait?" I closed my eyes tightly and sighed, exhausted. My head throbbing painfully. The lack of sleep was really catching up to me. </p><p>"I just want to apologize about kissing you." She said nervously, fumbling over her words. "It has been brought to my attention that was inappropriate and most likely made you extremely uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention." I watched as she twisted her hands around the bottom of her tie, causing it to wrinkle horribly.  </p><p>"Let's not talk about it." I cringed awkwardly. My reaction to her kiss was embarrassing. I know she had meant it as an innocent olive branch, a sign of forgiveness. Stumbling over my feet, to get away from her as fast as I could, was not the smoothest move I could have made. </p><p>"Are we okay?" She asked quietly as she adjusted her satchel strap and reached for the portrait door. </p><p>"Didn't know there was a 'we.'" I snarked. I could hear the annoyance in my tone and knew Granger would take my comment as a dig against her. </p><p>"I just meant we haven't been working together since the train ride." Her shoulders had tightened with tension. I could see the disappointment she was feeling. "We have almost the exact same schedule, and I have barely seen you to be able to talk about head duties and prefect duties. I didn't mean to assume that we were friends or anything." </p><p>"Granger, I don't feel good. I have a pounding headache, and I haven't slept well. I really just wanted to come and get some sleep. I didn't mean anything by it," I conceded. I watched as some of the tension eased from her posture. I saw the disappointment melt away into concern. </p><p>"Can I get you anything from the Hospital Wing or bring you something from dinner?" I shook my head slightly. </p><p>"I just need some sleep," I rubbed at my temples, trying to ease the throbbing. </p><p>"Okay, well, I'll be in the library until curfew." Typical Granger, not even a full week into school, and she was already in the library. </p><p>"See you in the morning, Granger." I had already started to make my way toward my room. I didn't see her leave, but I heard the portrait door's snick as it opened and closed.</p><p>With a flick of my wand, my door unlocked. I dropped my satchel by my bed and fell entirely clothed into the down pillows and comforter. Minutes later, I was asleep, but it wasn't restful at all. </p><p>Azkaban is never far away. Even after being free for weeks, the dementor's thrall still had a way of bringing all my horrible memories to the forefront of my mind. It was as if those three months with them had caused a gate to open, every terrible thing I had ever witnessed came to me in my sleep - not just Azkaban, but before too. </p><p>Tonight's nightmare was a mixture of father's arrest, the night he was kissed, and the night Bellatrix came to the manor. I remembered my mother's screams, my father's pleas for mercy, and the house elves' shrieks as Bella practiced her Cruico. I could taste the blood that pulled in my mouth as the guards slammed my head on the stone floor to force me to watch as his soul was removed from his body. </p><p>I was screaming when I woke on the floor beside my bed. I felt my stomach roll as I scrambled to find my footing. I barely made it into the bathroom as I emptied my stomach into the toilet. Bile burned my throat, dry heaves racked my body until it was sore. My head throbbed painfully. </p><p>It wasn't until the last of the dry heaves, I felt a cold cloth on the back of my neck and someone rubbing soothing circles on my back. I looked over my shoulder to see Granger sitting beside me, leaning against the sink counter. </p><p>My breaths shuddered in my chest as I relied heavily on the porcelain to hold my weight up. She smiled weakly at me, and took the cloth from my neck, wetting it with cold water, and dabbed at the back of my neck. </p><p>"I'm fine." I muttered, wiping the sick off on the back of my hand. I heard her murmur a quiet mouth cleansing charm and a cleaning spell. The taste of bile was gone. </p><p>"Sure you are," she rolled her eyes as she helped me up. I shrugged her off at first, but she swatted my shoulder. I tried not to lean on her but failed miserably. I was subjected to her leading me into our common room. We sat on the couch. We were sitting close enough for our legs to touch. </p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she leaned against the arm of the couch, watching me. I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. Moving was a bad idea. With the wave of pain, my stomach rolled. </p><p>"If I talk, my head pounds harder, which makes me more nauseous." My head fell into my hands.</p><p>"Let me get you a pain relief potion then." Think it is that easy, Granger? If it was, I would have already done it. She was trying. I couldn't fault her for that. </p><p>"I can't take it with the calming potions I am on." I could hear her sigh and shift. There was a moment of blessed silence. </p><p>"Come here then," I looked up sharply and stared at her. She patted her lap, and I raised my eyebrows at her incredulously. She rolled her eyes at me. "Stop making it weird, and come here." </p><p>I shifted myself, so I could lay my head into her lap. Her hands were soft as they weaved through my hair. I couldn't stop the groan at the instant ease of the pain. She massaged my forehead, my temples, and my scalp. </p><p>As the pain eased, the rolling in my stomach stopped. I allowed myself to relax under her ministrations. Trying not to focus on the fact, I had my head in Hermione Granger's lap with her hands in my hair. These past months had been a crazy broom ride, but this was taking the cake. </p><p>Everyone knew she was a bleeding heart. I just never expected it to be for me. She was putting in an active effort to make a fresh start between us to work together. I guess it wouldn't hurt if I did the same. </p><p>I don't know how much time had passed, but the massage had ended. Granger was running her fingers through my hair. My headache had eased to a dull ache. The gentle tug on my hair as she raked her fingers through was lulling me into a haze. </p><p>"If I hear a word about this from Potter," I warned her. She let out a huff of a laugh that made me grin. </p><p>"Harry isn't speaking to me right now," her tone was off. There was something about it that made me concerned. </p><p>"Why not?" I opened my eyes and stared up at her. Brown curls hung like a curtain around us. Whatever happened between Potter and her hurt. I could make out the tightness around her eyes.  </p><p>"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" She challenged me. </p><p>"Do you really want to hear about Azkaban?" I sighed heavily. </p><p>"If it will help you," she said simply. She had stopped her ministrations in my hair. She just stared down at me. </p><p>I knew that this could be a turning point. If I open up to her, it would shift something between us. I wasn't sure if I wanted that. I knew Granger did. She had always been desperate to be accepted by people. Granger wasn't the type to change herself to be popular. She just wanted acceptance. </p><p>It was why she tried so hard. She wanted approval. Just from observing her relationship with Potter and Weasley, I knew she was loyal to a fault. </p><p>"I think being around the dementors, for as long as I was, really messed me up. It's like I can't shut off the bad. Whenever I sleep, all I see are my worst memories." I said quietly. I watched as her eyes soften, and she brushed my bangs off my forehead. </p><p>"What was tonight's nightmare?" she asked as she continued to soothe my brow line. </p><p>"When my father was arrested and received the dementor's kiss," my voice was quiet. I didn't want to talk about Bella. </p><p>"You were there for that?" she asked, horrified. </p><p>"Front and center; The guards made sure of it." She was silent for a good while after that. </p><p>"What's the last good memory you have of your father?" I looked at her, confused, but she just held her ground.</p><p>"The World Cup, during the game," It took a moment to pinpoint the last good memory I had had with him. Since the beginning of the second rise of the Dark Lord, he had changed. Twisted with anxiety, panic, dark magic, and fear, Lucius turned into someone I didn't even recognize at the end. </p><p>"Do you want to talk about that?" She said hopefully. </p><p>It was easier to talk about the good memories instead of the bad ones. I told her about that day, about the anticipation of going. I told her about how excited my father had been about going and mother's indulgence for the two of us. But even the good memories had so much bad wrapped in them. </p><p> We were skillfully avoiding my past prejudices. I wasn't ready to apologize. I knew I didn't believe in the shit that my family had preached to me. Granger was living proof that muggleborns weren't beneath us. But was she an exception to the rule? I had seen muggleborns come into Hogwarts and fail miserably to adjust. </p><p>"Granger?" I said as the light of the early morning started to shine through the windows. </p><p>"Yes, Malfoy?" </p><p>"Can you teach me about muggles?" I knew she was shocked at my question, but I needed to know. Know how much my parents and their parents were wrong. Granger was nothing like the muggleborns my family had described. She welded magic better than some purebloods I knew. </p><p>"Aren't you in Muggle Studies?" I raised an eyebrow at her. She knew the lessons and books they were teaching us were outdated. I had heard her tirade before. She rolled her eyes and pushed on my head. I sat up and turned to her, sitting cross-legged on the middle cushion on the couch. "Only if you help me understand Pure Blood customs." </p><p>"Negotiating terms is a Slytherin tactic," I smirked at her. She shrugged and grinned. </p><p>"What do you want to know?" </p><p>"I want to be able to make my own decision about muggles. I know what I have been taught, so show me how it is wrong." </p><p>"That's a big step, Malfoy." She acknowledged, and I shrugged it off. </p><p>"I'm not saying you're right or that they were wrong. I know what the Dark Lord was promoting was wrong. I'm saying I am willing to accept the possibility my parents are wrong." </p><p>"Why?" Her question was hesitant, like she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer. </p><p>"They were wrong about you," I said honestly. </p><p>"Oh." There was something really satisfying about making Granger speechless. </p><p>——————————————————————————————————-</p><p>When we left that morning, Granger looked as tired as I felt. Without discussion, we walked together to breakfast, splitting when we reached the House tables. I watched as she walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down with Lovegood. </p><p>Now that was an odd pair that I couldn't understand - Granger's logic with Lovegood's whimsical ideology. </p><p>Lazily I made my way over to my group of friends. Blaise passed me some toast, while Pansy levitated the coffee over to me. I nodded my thanks to both of them. While listening to their conversation, I watched Potter and Weasley discretely. Red was sitting with some of the girls in her year. Weasley scowled at Granger from his seat. Brown clung to his arm. Potter was doing his best not to make moon eyes at the Weasley girl. Obviously, whatever caused Potter and Granger to be on the outs, Red disagreed with him. </p><p>I watched as she stood from her group before making her way over to Granger and Lovegood. She sat down beside Granger. I tried to make out Granger's expression as Red started to talk animatedly, pointing over to where her brother and boyfriend were sitting. </p><p>"Merlin's beard, Draco!" I felt Pansy swat at my shoulder. </p><p>"What?" I turned to look at her. Blaise, Theo, and Daphne were all staring at me. </p><p>"I have been trying to get your attention for five minutes now!" She huffed in annoyance. Raising my eyebrow at her, I gestured for her to continue. "What are the plans this weekend?" </p><p>"Quidditch practice, but you already knew that considering Theo is on the team." I said, annoyed as I turned by attention back to Granger. Potter had stood up and walked over to the group of girls. </p><p>"Someone is ill this morning." I could hear Pansy mutter under her breath. Red was pointedly ignoring her boyfriend as he tried to talk to her. I could see him gesture angrily between him and Red while talking to Granger. </p><p>"You are a dick, Draco." Blaise was kind enough to remind me. Weasley and Brown had made their way over to the other group. Longbottom trailed behind them warily. </p><p>"Thank you, Blaise. I'll try to be nicer when I have actually slept." I snarked at him, my attention still on the group of Gryffindors. You couldn't hear what was being said over the constant hum of conversation. </p><p>"Are we done?" Pansy's tone was sharp as she reprimanded me. Longbottom was putting a hand on Weasley's chest, trying to placate him, as the prat's face turned a disturbing shade of red. </p><p>"I honestly don't know why we put up with you, sometimes," Theo muttered under his breath. </p><p>"I am going to be late for class." I pushed away my plate. </p><p>"No, you're not," Blaise said, looking at his watch. "Draco, you have like twenty minutes." I ignored him as a hastily gathered up my bag and swallowed the last of my coffee. Wait a minute," he called after me as I climbed off the bench. "Draco!" He called after me as I walked around the tables down to where Granger was now. </p><p>The closer I got to them, I noticed the other occupants of the Ravenclaw table were looking very uncomfortable and trying their hardest to ignore the scene they were making. Potter and Weasley were arguing with Granger about how selfish she was being, that what she was doing was causing a rift not only in their friendship but making the rest of their friends choose between the exes. I could see by her pinched expression and the way she was biting her lip she was trying her hardest not to be emotional. I shoved between Potter and Weasley, causing them to startle. </p><p>"Granger, we need to get rounds worked out for tonight. I have classes all day, and Quidditch directly after. I told you yesterday before you practically spent the night in the library, we needed to get them worked out." I pulled at her arm, and she scrabbled up out of her seat. I saw her confusion momentarily before she quickly caught on. </p><p>"Well if you hadn't been a pratt and avoided me all week, we would have already had it worked out." She quickly gathered the books she had strewn out over the table. </p><p>"I'm sorry, my social life is larger than yours. Some of us actually want to enjoy our time here instead of allowing books to keep us company." I could hear Potter and Weasley's protest as we started to walk away from them. </p><p>"Like anyone really wants to hang out with you, Malfoy." She said as she shoved her last book into her bag. Looking over her shoulder, she spoke to the gathered group of Gryffindors. "Look, I'm sorry. I have to go take care of this with him." </p><p>We continued to snark back and forth as I practically dragged her out of the Great Hall. Once we were headed down the stairs to the potion classroom, I dropped her arm. I ducked into an alcove, and she followed me quietly. </p><p>"Thanks for that," she finally said after a moment of awkward silence.</p><p>"Don't mention it," she started to reply. "No, seriously. Don't mention it. We are even for last night." </p><p>"Your friendships must be hard," she observed. </p><p>"Why do you say that?" I said, taken aback. </p><p>"Because you act like you have to repay me because I was nice to you." </p><p>"We aren't friends." I spat at her, angry at her assumption. </p><p>"We aren't enemies, either." Her reply was just as angry. I could feel my heart speed up in my chest. Why was she so quick to get under my skin. </p><p>"Look here, Granger, just beca-"I couldn't finish because she had invaded my space and pushed a finger hard into my chest. </p><p>"We are a team, Malfoy, whether we like it or not. I know you didn't choose me, but I'm what you have. I certainly wouldn't have chosen your mercurial arse to work with the next ten months, but you are what I have. I am willing to put these last seven years behind us, are you?" </p><p>"Just don't expect too much out of this Granger. I'm not going to be your new best mate." I said with my hands up in the air. </p><p>"I'm not asking you too. I didn't ask you to come to rescue me, but I am acknowledging it and trying to thank you for it. You can try and brush it off as repayment for last night if you want, but still thank you for being kind." She punctuated each sentence with a jab of her finger into my chest. </p><p>"I trash-talked you the entire way out of the Great Hall Granger," I grabbed her hand in an attempt to stop her abuse.</p><p>"I never said your rescuing didn't need some work." I let out a huff of a laugh, and she smiled at me. She had uncurled her fist and stopped poking me. Our hands rested lightly on my chest. I really hoped she didn't feel the way my heart skipped a beat. </p><p>She really did have a pretty smile.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Insecurities and Pastries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AN: Sorry this is taking longer than originally planned. Things have been busier at home and work than anticipated. I will work on my schedule for updating. I recently accepted a new job with better hours. I hope I will be able to balance things a little better. With that being said, thank you for all that have read and enjoyed the story. A special thanks for all that have reviewed and left Kudos!</p><p>Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. No money was made in the production of this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 4: Insecurities and Pastries </p><p> </p><p>Things had gotten better over the last two weeks. My use of the calming potion had reduced from three times a day to twice a day. Between Blaise and Granger, my school days become rather rigorously scheduled. As soon as Granger and I sat down and discussed Head duties, it was decided that we would be grouped together for most of our class projects. </p><p>Her argument made sense. We were the top students. Relatively, we had the same schedule. The only difference is I had Muggle Studies when she had Arithmancy. Blaise also supported it because who better than him to keep me on top of assignments, but Little Miss Color-Coded Planner herself. </p><p>He had undoubtedly been impressed at the new color-coded study planner that Granger had created for me. Without taking care of Potter and Weasley, Granger used me and our new partnership for a distraction. </p><p>I made a minimal effort, at best. I attended our study sessions as planned, typically with Blaise in tow. I would speak when she would drag me into a conversation. She definitely had more patience than Pansy or Daphne ever had. Most nights Granger would distract me before bed with Muggle culture. </p><p>I was really interested in their sciences and economics. </p><p>Chemistry seemed a lot like potions. Their medicines sounded more specialized than our potions and charms. They did have more ailments or were a lot more unhealthy than wizards. The world's economy was broken down by countries or regions. Their currency was different from ours. Goblin gold was goblin gold, no matter the country. </p><p>She told me stories of her parents and growing up in the Muggle world. She told me about the horrid muggles that teased her as a child because she was different. I felt a roll of shame when she told me her hopes that Hogwarts would have been different, but found she was just as much as an outcast here as she was in the Muggle world. </p><p>We argued over the Witch Trials and Hunts. I gave her a book on Pureblood Ladies customs, one Pansy had loaned me in confusion and a million questions. She came back two days later, outraged at how outdated and sexist it was. I found her upset, highly entertaining. </p><p>"Arranged Marriages? Your parents pick your spouses?! And why do marriage at such a young age? That's practically Victorian!" She huffed, and she sat down beside me on the couch that night.  </p><p>"You wanted to know the customs," I reminded her. "I never said you were going to like them. I jumped away, laughing as she tried to swat at me. </p><p>"Contracts ensure bloodlines, but they aren't typically bound with magic or blood anymore. At least mine isn't." I shrugged carelessly. </p><p>"You're engaged?" She asked nervously. I looked up at her tone. Her face was pale, and she wouldn't look me in the eye. I was confused by her nervousness. Why would she care if I was engaged?</p><p>"No, there is a contract with the Malfoy and Greengrass family," I answered honestly. I saw her nervousness change to confusion. I knew she had questions, but I continued before she could ask them. "In which, if I do not find a suitable spouse before I am twenty-five, then I can marry one of their daughters as long, as they are unattached. Contracts are rarely used these days. That's why a lot of us get married young, so we can choose our spouses." </p><p>I watched as she relaxed and blushed for a moment. She quickly changed the topic of our conversation to our potions project coming up next week. NEWTs year consisted of a lot of self-study and application of the theories we had learned over the last six years. </p><p>The coffee table was covered with our collective books, our essays, inkwells, and quills when there was a knock on the portrait door. Granger had been laughing at a rude comment I made about Slughorn and his gardening of promising students but stopped when the second round of knocking occurred.</p><p>We both stood and walked to the door. As Granger opened the door, I leaned against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. My wand was hidden, held tight in my grip. I didn't know if the paranoia I had developed was from Azkaban or from my anxiety issues now. Never the less, I felt prepared for whoever was behind the door.</p><p>When the door swung open, it revealed Potter. Alone. At first, his nervousness was apparent, but I watched as his eyes hardened when he saw me looming behind Granger. Whatever amends he was planning to make when he came here was gone now that he saw me. </p><p>"Can I talk to you alone?" Potter said through gritted teeth. Granger looked over her shoulder at me, and I raised my eyebrow in question to her. I saw the subtle nod of her head, and I turned to walk back over to where our things were. </p><p>With a wave of my wand, the books separated, inkwells and quills were organized, stowed into our respective satchels. When I bent down to grab my bag, I caught a glance at Potter. His teeth were gritted, and the muscle in his left eyebrow was twitching. </p><p>"Remember, we have rounds at eight." Granger reminded me softly. I looked up at the clock on the mantle, six o'clock.</p><p>The two Gryffindorks were speaking in hushed tones as I put my bag away in my room. I could hear snips of their conversation.  "You're studying with him?!" Potter angrily asked her. </p><p>"We are paired together on some projects," Granger defended quietly. </p><p>"We picked our partners Hermione!" Potter exclaimed. "Why did you pick him?" </p><p>"We live together, Harry! He is one of the only people I wouldn't have to do all the work." I smirked as Granger defended her choice of partner. </p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry not all of us are as smart as the great Hermione Granger," his tone was condescending and jealous. He was probably angry that Granger turned him down for Defense. </p><p> "That's not what I meant, and you know it!" She defended herself haughtily, in a way, she did mean it like that. Potter and Weasley had never been on her level when it came to intellect. She would have found more intellectual matches in Ravenclaw and Slytherin than in her own house. </p><p>"What did you mean then?" Potter challenged. </p><p>"Did you just come here to yell at me some more, or did you really have something you wanted to talk about, Harry?" Granger asked tiredly. </p><p>Tired of eavesdropping, I walked back into the common, and their conversation became more hushed. I purposely walked by Granger, and lightly placed my hand on her shoulder. Potter's eyes zeroed in on the causal touch. On the other hand, Granger looked up at me, shocked, and her blush bloomed on her cheeks. </p><p>"Meet you outside the Library after dinner, then?" I asked in a murmur. Granger nodded hastily. I could hear Potter's teeth grind against each other as he gritted them tightly. I smirked at him as I squeezed her shoulder softly. </p><p>I hadn't felt this giddy in as long as I could remember. Messing with Potter was a favored pastime of mine, and it was apparent he disapproved of Granger and my partnership. When I closed the portrait door. I heard him explode. I couldn't stop the laughter as I walked away from the muffled shouting inside the common room. </p><p>"Are you smiling?" Theo asked as I sat down for dinner. </p><p>"I've had a good day, that's all," I said as I filled my plate with lamb, potatoes, and sautéed greens. I got a strange look from Blaise as he eyed my rich plate. </p><p>"Found your appetite?" he asked. I shrugged as I tucked into my plate. I actually carried on conversations with my friends. Joking with Theo and Blaise, listening to Daphne complain to Pansy about the divination teacher. I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. Pansy smiled at me for my efforts. </p><p>I was tucking into a lighter helping of side dishes when I noticed Potter enter the Great Hall alone. I felt my stomach sink with a sense of anticipation when Granger didn't follow in behind him. I watched the Great Hall door, subdued the rest of the meal. Before dessert disappeared, I grabbed a few chocolate and custard-filled pastries. I wrapped the treats carefully in a napkin before tucking them into my pockets. </p><p>"Are you coming to the Common Room?" Daphne asked, hopefully. I shook my head solemnly. </p><p>"I have rounds until ten, with Granger." We said our goodbyes, and I started making my way to the Library. When I rounded the last corner, I all but jogged to the doors. Granger was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, arms wrapped tight around her - as if she was trying to hold herself together. </p><p>"Why do you have to antagonize him?" She must have sensed my presence because she hadn't opened her eyes yet. When she did, the uneasy feeling I had had since I saw Potter enter the Great Hall evolved into guilt as I took in the redness and swelling of her brown eyes. </p><p>"Things are already strained enough without you twisting this to get at him," she sighed heavily. The guilt I was feeling turned sour, and anger began to rise in my chest. </p><p>"Look, I am not the reason Potter is a dickhead," I countered. "Yeah, I saw an opportunity and riled him up. Heckling Potter is what I do, what I have always done." </p><p>"Look, I am not going to argue with you," she huffed as she pushed off the stone wall angrily, flouncing down the corridor. </p><p>"That's a first," I scoffed loudly. "Why not?" </p><p>"Because it's not worth it." I heard her mutter as I trailed after her. The pit in my stomach felt even heavier at her comment. </p><p>"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked in a mixture of anxiety and anger. What had I done to cause this? </p><p>"Just forget it, Malfoy. You're right. It's not your fault Harry is angry." We patrolled the rest of the first floor in silence. She pointedly ignored me as we walked the halls and checked the empty classrooms for any stragglers. </p><p>"What was said? It must have been bad enough that you missed dinner." I asked as we made it up the main stair to the second floor. As much as I enjoyed the quiet, it was disheartening coming from her. I would deny it to anyone, but I enjoyed our conversations. They had a way of drawing me out of this darkness that seemed to surround me. </p><p>"Why do you care?" Her reply was terse. </p><p>"Come on, Granger," I groaned. I was tired of her attitude. Yes, I riled him up, but it shouldn't have been that big of a deal. Potter and I were like oil and water, she knew that! I wasn't responsible for Potter's reaction. </p><p>"No, seriously, do you even care, or are you just bored?" She stopped suddenly and turned to me, causing me to stumble to a stop in front of her. </p><p>"Hold on," I said as I righted myself. "Where is this…” I wasn't able to finish as she pushed against my chest with her hands. My eyes widen in shock. </p><p>"I am so stupid!" she ranted, punctuating her statement with another shove to my chest. "How many times do I have to hear you say we aren't friends to realize you don't even want to try and move past everything? I get it now, you barely tolerate me, studying with me is an advantage for you." She was sobbing by the end of her tirade, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. </p><p>"What the fuck, Granger?" I grabbed her arm and dragged her into the utility closet for this wing. With a quick locking and silencing charm, the room was warded for privacy. </p><p>When I turned to her, she had her face in her hands to hide her tear and muffle her cries. I was terrible with tears, any emotions really. Blaise was the sensitive one, always taking care of Pansy's emotional outburst before she and Theo got together. I had seen Blaise and Theo comfort the girls enough to know what to do.</p><p>Bracing myself for a nasty hex, I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her awkwardly. She stiffened against me, but a moment later, she wrapped her arms around my back and squeezed tightly. Her face was buried against my chest as she cried. I didn't know if it was because of her isolation from her regular friends or being so desperate for friendship between us. But she readily accepted whatever comfort I was willing to give.</p><p>"I'm not good at this shite," I mumbled, and she squeezed tighter. "What's easier talking about why Potter is a dickhead, or why I am an arsehole?" I smirked when I heard her laugh muffled against my shirt. She pulled away and looked up at me. I ignored the funny roll my stomach gave at her small smile. </p><p>After a moment, her smile faded, and she looked unsure of herself. As she pulled away from me, I forced myself to let go of her. The warmth of her was immediately replaced with the cool September, Scottish air. </p><p>"Are we becoming friends, Malfoy? Or do you just tolerate me because it is convenient?" Her voice was quiet and insecure. I cursed Potter in my head. I was already shite when it came to making connections with people. I didn't need his help making her question everything. </p><p>"I think Potter needs to mind his own business and stop putting thoughts in your head," I growled lowly. I would bet my last Galleon that those were Potter's words. </p><p>"This isn't about Harry," she tried to argue weakly. I shook my head and curled my lip in a sneer. </p><p>"Well, before your talk with Potter, what was your consensus of this arrangement?" She was silent at that. Her face turned down with shame as she stared at her shoes. "That's what I thought," I muttered angrily. I wasn’t ready to talk about whatever it was between us. I had my own insecurities about our situation that I wasn’t ready to face. </p><p>"Look, it's hard, okay." She admitted after a moment. Her voice cracking with emotion. "You bounce from one mood to the next. You don't contribute much to a conversation. You are just there." </p><p>"That's a lot more than what many people get from me, Granger," I almost yell at her. I paced the short length of the room angrily. "Do you know that I have stuck to your little study plan to the letter? I haven't been to the Slytherin Common room in a week because I am with you. I'm trying here." </p><p>"You also have issues with crowds and interacting with people. Who says you aren't biding your time with me because you can't deal with them yet." She pointed out, and she was partly correct. I could handle Granger, but not the rest of the world. I knew what I was getting from her, but she was just as guilty for using me. </p><p>"I could say the same for you, Granger. Would you be really doing this if Weasley and Potter were accepting you into the fold?" I pointed out, and she avoided my gaze. </p><p>"I would still be trying," she tried to reassure me. </p><p>"Then fuck whatever Potter said," it didn't matter to me if she would have been or not. It is what it is. We were both in situations we didn't want to be in right now, and we were trying to make the best of it with each other. </p><p>"I'm sorry," she said after a moment. I knew she felt guilty. Guilty for becoming so emotional, pushing me physically and emotionally, for using me. </p><p>"You ever going to tell me what he said?" I shrugged and ignored her apology as I opened the door. </p><p>"He just knows where I am insecure, and he pushed at those because he was angry." She admitted quietly after a moment. </p><p>"Dick move," I heard her laugh softly at my insult. I looked over my shoulder and grinned at her. Glad the mood had finally lightened. </p><p>"Yeah, well, he's angry, and we saying and do things we don't mean when we are angry." Granger twisted her hands anxiously as she spoke. The mood had lightened, but we were still discussing an uncomfortable topic for her.</p><p>"What happened between the two of you? On the train, he acted really concerned." I asked as we made finished up the floor. </p><p>"He heard Ron's side, and Ron twisted it enough that he has made himself look innocent or justified in his actions." She shrugged, trying her hardest to act unaffected. </p><p>"He shouldn't be taking sides." I didn't need to tell her that. That was her fear, she had told me when we were on the train. </p><p>"I agree, but Ron has never felt that way." She smiled sadly. Weasley had a habit of turning others against one another. I had seen it since our first year. </p><p>"What happened between you and Weaselbee? I thought you were supposed to be smart." She smiled weakly at my comment. She was about to answer when her stomach made a loud growl, reminding both of us that she had skipped dinner. </p><p>"Come on, the pastries I nicked for you aren't going to tide you over until the morning. Let's get you something for the kitchens." She stared in shock at me for a moment after that. </p><p>"You brought me something from the Great Hall?" I stopped and looked at her, confused. </p><p>"Yeah, why?" It was a fucking pastry. It didn't mean anything. </p><p>"Why did you get me something?" She asked as she took a step closer to me. </p><p>"Well, I noticed you weren't there, and I knew you had skipped lunch." I stared at her, confused, wasn't it obvious. I was shocked as she wrapped her arms around my waist quickly, squeezing me tight and letting me go before I could react. She skipped down the hall away from me before I could process precisely what had happened.</p>
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